


Heavier Than Rain

by MoonyMcMoon



Category: Heavy Rain
Genre: Angst and Feels, Anxiety, Blayden - Freeform, Canon-Typical Violence, Depression, Drug Withdrawal, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gay Male Character, Heavy Angst, Heavy Drinking, Heavy Rain Spoilers, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Major Character Injury, Origami killer mentioned, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Panic Attacks, Past Drug Use, Possible Character Death, Post-Heavy Rain, Sad Ending, Self Esteem Issues, Social Anxiety, Swearing, Trans Carter Blake, Trans Male Character, cursing, mentioned Homophobia, post-epilogue, theres some happy moments i promise, triptocaine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2020-08-13 10:08:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20172487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonyMcMoon/pseuds/MoonyMcMoon
Summary: Norman Jayden had retired from the FBI shortly after the Origami Killer case. He's now trying to recover from previous usage of triptocaine and learning to live a normal life once more. Though theres a terrible loneliness when your family is pretty much gone, and you have social anxiety. So maybe trying to befriend the cop you argued with so much might lift your spirits.**this fic is after the ending to Heavy Rain. So there WILL be spoilers previous to the game, including who the Origami Killer is. So if don't want to be spoiled, please finish the game before you read this fic! This fic is simply for fun and to sort of project specific emotions. Warnings for each chapter will be at the beginning notes. If I miss something or you feel like something should be tagged PLEASE notify me and I'll add it to the warnings as soon as possible.





	1. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: cursing, incredibly minor symptoms of withdrawal,

Norman could not wait to get out of Philadelphia. Anything was better than this damned wet and cold town. The rain was starting to make him sick, as he finished up paperwork. He would go home, drink like the devil, and sleep for a week. He missed the solitude of no one bothering him and attempting to make insulting small talk. He could work for hours in a much nicer office than this shithole. He grumbled as he shoved his files into his suitcase and began out of the gross stuffy basement of an “office” and stormed towards the front. He was done with these crooked police stations and these crooked cops. He grunted as he shouldered into Perry.

  
“Ah, Mr. Jayden I was looking for you-“

  
“Sorry, I’m a bit of a rush, I have a bus to catch” Norman interrupted. Norman really was a polite guy. But he was not polite to people who would willing let another cop beat a suspect into false statements.

“Agent Jayden-“ 

“Our cooperation is over. Goodbye.”

Norman pushed passed him and headed for the door before _HE_ arrived. Norman did not want to see Carter’s face at all before he left. That asshole was beyond frustrating to him. He tried to work with him, but that man was horrid. Norman himself did questionable things but only to prevent people like Carter from destroying and ruining the case. Lucky for Norman, he wasn’t in today and he walked out of the station getting drenched again in the rain. _God damn rain, I just want to see the sun for fucks sake. _Norman walked down the road staring blankly ahead, finding the bus stop. Sitting on the bench, out of the rain and looked at his hands. He was beginning to shake. _Shit_. He quickly dug into his case and grabbed his phone and tried to drown out the shakes and headache with music. He coughed and rubbed his hands together trying to not focus on the dizzy feeling.  
  
_You’re okay Norman. Here look at that car. Count the blinks from the taillight. One. Two. Three. Okay that’s making me feel sick let’s look at something else._

Norman began drumming his fingers on his legs finally calming down as he distracted himself. God the bus was late. Or maybe he was early? He left in such a hurry he didn’t check if the time was even right. Shaking his head, he crossed his arms across his chest. He couldn’t wait to get home and have a good vacation. For one, he did not want the ARI anymore. He’s been tempted to use it again since the investigation, but he forced himself to avoid it. He knew it was affecting him negatively.

Triptocaine addiction was only part of the problem. It was the hallucinations. The difficulty in separating reality from the unrealistic images the ARI provided. On top of the awful withdrawals. Sometimes they made Norman faint they would get so bad. Norman had to shake the icky feeling again. He was wondering how he could avoid using the ARI when he got back.

  
  
“Agent Jayden?”

  
  
Norman’s head snapped from his thoughts, ear buds falling out, turning to find a tired man, holding hands with a child. It was Ethan and Shaun Mars. Norman sat up straight and gave a very awkward smile. “Mr. Mars, hello.” Norman mentally groaned as he was always awkward when it came to interactions like these.  
  
“We tried finding you at the station but they said you had left, my son wanted to give you something. A-As thanks.”  
  
Ethan smiled back and looked at Shaun. “Want to give him the surprise?”  
  
The smaller child shyly had his hand shoved in the jacket as to protect whatever he was holding from the rain. Shaun walked in front of the agent and pulled out a somewhat crinkled sheet of paper. Norman carefully took and observed a very carefully drawn and colored drawing of… him? He figured it was him, the person was wearing a suit.  
  
“Th-thank you for saving me, Mr. Jayden” Shaun stuttered out.  
  
Okay, Norman couldn’t help but crumble. The kid was too precious for words.  
  
“Thank you, Shaun, I never been given a drawing before. I like it a lot.”  
  
Shaun’s eyes lit up with excitement then and he smiled. Ethan chuckled grabbing Shaun’s hand again as a bus pulled up. “Thank you again, Mr. Jayden. I really appreciate your help.”  
Norman responded with a nod.  
Norman was never good with being thanked. He always hopes to be one of those mysterious guys that disappear before you thank them as to avoid awkward responses. However, this was just different somehow.

“I’m just glad your son is safe, Mr. Mars.” Norman looked at the drawing again, feeling inner pride, before opening his case and carefully sliding the picture in.  
  
Ethan tugged Shaun’s hand. “Come on, we have to get you home before you get a cold. I believe Mr. Jayden is going back to his own home”  
Thank god, Ethan knew to not linger around and make this even more awkward for Norman.  
The kid willingly followed his dad but not before looking back at the cold and blank agent and gave a smile and waved. Norman waved back as they walked off.  
  
The bus he had waited on strolled in front of him. He could finally head home.

* * *

  
Norman came to a decision. He could not find any other option he’d be satisfied with. This was thought the whole ride home. After seeing Shaun and Ethan again Norman decided that he would resign from the FBI. He couldn’t keep the ARI either. This was going to be a hell of a change. Norman was going to hate it too, but it was the best choice he had made these past few weeks.  
Things were not going to be the same, whether he stayed or not. He feared his safety from the ARI and could already feel the anxiety eat at the back of his mind. He’ll resign tomorrow when he goes into work.

Norman walked through the front door of his home, an empty echo as he shut it behind him. He took off his damp coat and hung it up as he carried his case to his study and opened it ready to just get into bed. He paused seeing the drawing Shaun had made him. Allowing a smile to creep back up he picked the picture up again and gave it another moment of admiration. He really had never received anything from people he had helped. Mostly because he was never involved as deeply as he was in the Origami Killer case. Sometimes kids were even fearful of him. Norman hummed a bit as he went into his kitchen and placed the drawing on the fridge.

A drawing of him and a smaller person, whom he guesses to be Shaun, smiling, and marked at the corner -Shaun Mars. A perfect depiction of a child’s drawing. Somehow, he almost felt less alone looking at the picture. Making the home air a little brighter.  
  
The agent finally dragged his cold self to his bedroom and prepared for a decent rest in his actual bed and not that of a hotel. The things he did for work. He comfortably settled into the sheets and started to scroll through his phone. Not much update, no messages, not like he expected any. Alone. He sighed and tossed his phone on the nightstand before clicking the lamp off and passing out as soon as his head hit the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *this chapter began a little short but I promise future chapters will be a little longer. Beginnings are always hard to get out.   
this is also my first ever attempt at trying to write fanfic on Heavy Rain so wish me (and any of the characters) luck.


	2. Withdrawals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: drug withdrawals, anxiety/anxiety attack?

Norman resigned the very next morning he returned. The director seemed a little disheartened and had tried to get Norman to take the ARI as a new version was coming out, but Norman forced himself to abandon it. There was something about it that would not lead him to a healthy way of living anyway. That is to be confirmed. Norman trudged his way to his office, collecting all his things before finally leaving the FBI. Would he come back later on? Who is to say?

He sighed in relief as he drove off back to his place, and brought his stuff in. Now that he had free time maybe he could attempt to make a few friends or new interests. Honestly it was rather exciting to not have to do work. But work was the one thing Norman could do, a workaholic he’d been called. His select interest varied and even then, he didn’t act on a lot of his hobbies.

Norman scratched the back of his neck staring at his place. It was spotless from the lack of touch the past month, so nothing to clean at least. Not like there’s ever been a mess, Norman was either at work or out of town for work. There was a complete bookshelf of books he had already read, so he could always go book shopping in the future… Norman walked to his couch and sat down, crossing his fingers and stared at the blank TV, sighing. What’d he give to talk to someone, anyone. Despite how much he hated those cops, it was nice to hear their bantering and boisterous chats, that Norman simply laughed about from afar. Norman couldn’t help but chuckle to himself remembering Carter and Ash’s bets and impersonations on Perry and his damn conferences.

Deciding, he stood up and went upstairs to look for his sketchbook. He had taken drawing as an elective during college, so it became a side hobby of his. Realism specifically. Norman was already an observer and patient enough to take time to draw anything from life. People were interesting to do, if they were still enough. Finding it, he sat on the bed and tried to look around for anything in his room to draw.

“guess I’m drawing the bed”

Time went by, and Norman had so far drawn his bed, moved downstairs to draw his bookshelf, and chairs but grew bored again and set the sketchbook aside. He honestly was unsure what to do. It was only the first day of his resignation and he was already bored. Groaning in annoyance he began to think about going out or something. The idea of going outside was pleasing, maybe touring DC? Or maybe just eating out at the park? That one is unlikely actually… What do people do these days?

Scrolling through his phone he frowned at the contacts and scrolled onto something else, not having enough people to even talk to. Maybe he’ll just order a pizza and watch a movie or something.

* * *

Norman had watched through several movies he had to catch up on, enjoying a pizza to himself and feeling content for having occupied himself. It was surprising to him, that he was this entertained from these movies, but I guess when you worked as much as him, anything funny or entertaining increases the reaction tenfold. It was 7pm by that point. Norman had binged movies for the whole day. Satisfied he turned off his tv and cleaned up his living room mess before walking towards his stairs.

That’s when it hit. Norman fell to his knees shaking. _Please, not now, I was having a good day. _Norman began to shake as he started to crawl up his stairs, which then turned into a sprint as he felt he was going to throw up. After some rather sickly noises from the bathroom, Norman slid against the bathtub groaning, his skin sweaty and clammy already.

“It’s okay, Norman, just, get yourself cleaned up, and go lay down.” He whispered to himself, and pulled himself up, holding his stomach as he walked into his bedroom.

He changed out into some more airy clothing and glanced at himself in the mirror. His skin was paled, dark circles under the eyes and sweat attached to his forehead. Starting to feel dizzy, he crawled into his bed and yelled into a pillow as his stomach started cramping. When most of the pain subsided, he carefully turned on his back, shaking from how cold he felt. He hated doing this alone. Norman tearfully hugged onto a pillow, steadying his breathing. All he needed to do, was just calm down, and he could make it through this. He was starting to wish he kept the Tripto.

He wanted to call bullshit on the creators of the ARI about how the drug was not to be addicting. He doubted it before, but Norman knows for sure now. It was more than just the glasses however, he was indulgent on the drug without the ARI or not, and it was hell trying to lean himself off before during the investigation. He did still have some vials left over…no, he wouldn’t think about that. He should do other things first.

Norman groaned realizing his phone was downstairs and debated over whether it was worth it to leave the comfort of the bed to go grab it. Norman risked it, and slowly sat up and carefully sat up as to not get himself vertigo. He leaned against the walls as he trudged downstairs again taking forever on each step as to not fall. Didn’t last long, as he missed the next step and fell immediately. Cursing and whining about the pain in his back he laid on the floor not bothering to move.

_Almost had a decent day._ Norman went to crawl towards the living room, but his head began to pound and instead he tucked his head into his arms, listening to the silence of his home. His stomach churned with anxiety and fear, teeth clenched as he squeezed his eyes shut just wishing it would all just go away. He needed somebody to help him. Norman needed someone to snap him out of this funk. Anyone, he can’t bear the suffering in silence.

Norman’s cell phone began to ring.

The tired former agent lifted his head, blinking towards his living room and shakily grabbed onto the railing pulling himself up. The phone’s ringing gave him a headache but it was better than the complete silence. Attempting to keep his balance, he walked to the living room, catching himself again along the wall until he got the couch and grabbed his phone, not even bothering to look at the ID.

“Hello, Norman Jayden speaking.” He answered as calm and steady as he could.

_“You thought you could just fucking leave without saying goodbye, asshole?!” _

“Carter?” Norman blinked not expecting that sort of response. He was assuming the call was a telemarketer or something.

“Who else?” the aggressive voice responded.

Norman knew he wanted anything for the silence of his household to stop and to talk to someone but…

“Why are you callin’ me this late?” Norman asked, pushing back an aching groan and maneuvered to sit on his couch.

“I was working all day, and I still never got a goodbye.”

“Why would you care if I said goodbye or not, you don’t even like me” Norman muttered, “In fact I would of thought you would of _loved_ to kick me out as soon as possible, you were _SO_ eager before the case officially ended.”

An irritable growl from the other end of the phone made Norman smirked as he realized he had gotten Carter annoyed.

“Listen, as much as I would of loved to tell you goodbye, you weren’t even at the office that day, on top of that I’m a busy guy, you know?”

“Could have called” Carter mumbled.

“Carter, I’m not your damn girlfriend, fuckin’ hell.” Norman rolled his eyes. “You’re so dramatic. Well, if you want a goodbye so badly, I’m hanging up now. _Goodbye_.” Norman went to click off.

_“Wait-” _

Norman stopped and put the phone back to his ear. “What?”

“I’m… sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Norman asked rather frustrated.

“Don’t tell anyone I said this, but I’m sorry I’ve been absolute asshole to you. The whole investigation.”

Norman went silent. Carter Blake? Apologizing and admitting to being an asshole? Did the withdrawals finally kill him?

“You alive there Jayden?”

“Uh, yeah, yeah sorry I was just… caught off guard.”

“Yeah well whatever, sorry for bothering you or something, night” _click._

Norman blinked and looked at the phone. He supposed that was as close of an apology as Carter was willing to allow. Norman shrugged it off and began his way back upstairs physically and mentally exhausted. This was a wild day.

* * *

It’s been 2 weeks since Norman had resigned and got that call from Carter. It would be a lie to say Norman was very lonely and very bored and was tempted to call Carter again. His withdrawals were better than other days, either leaving him on the floor a shaky sick mess, or an anxious inconvenience.

One night he had to throw himself out of bed just to go throw up and then lay in the shower, cold water running, still fully clothed. This isn’t how Norman dreamed of reality and it was very tempting to go to the vials he had saved. He physically forced himself to avoid the drawer they were kept in and crawled back into bed after he shredded off his soaking clothes. He shook and attempted to cocoon himself into his blankets and grumble seeing it was 2 in the morning.

Norman couldn’t sleep now and felt his stomach churn again. He shoved his face into the pillow feeling tears sting his eyes. This sucked and he was doing it alone. Norman could feel his shakes get worse, and whimpered. He could feel his heart race and cursed under his breath. He was now having anxiety. Norman stood up and began to pace around the bedroom, trying to calm himself, putting on the radio he had, turning it up and then down as he couldn’t decide what he wanted and what was helping. He went and grabbed a glass of water from the bathroom, disgusting but did help a little.

He paced faster, until he froze looking across the room seeing a tree in the middle of the room. He rubbed his eyes, the tree still there.

_“Oh, one last thing sir… you should be careful not to indulge in you-know-what” _

Norman walked around the tree and sat on the bed blinking up at the image. He lied back down and covered his face with a pillow and screamed.

_“It can be dangerous. VERY dangerous” _

Norman threw the pillow and ran to the window of his bedroom, opening it and let some of the air hit his face. _Go away, please, stop I want to go back to sleep, please._ Norman scrambled to the dresser near him and opened the draw. He pulled out a box and shakily opened it pulling out one of the vials. He was about to crack it open but stopped himself, shaking and staring. No, he can’t keep using it, he had to resist this shit. His hands were shaking violently, and he dropped the vial and box, some of the drug popping open and dusting his carpet. Norman bit back a yell and without much thought he ran to his nightstand and grabbed his phone and called whoever would pick up. He didn’t care he needed something else to ground him.

A tired and annoyed voice came across the speaker.

_“What the **fuck** do you want at this time of night?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soon enough itll be getting to the good stuff.


	3. Texts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning:anxiety attack, swearing, tripto usage, hallucinations, self deprication

Oh joy, Carter. Norman wasn’t sure how much help this asshole would be or if he’d stick around long enough to even care. Norman’s breath came out as chokes as he was trying hard not to sob. He didn’t know who he’d expect to call. It was better Carter than one of his previous co-workers.

  
“S-sorry to wake you I…”

Norman trailed off. What was he planning on saying? His voice cracked a bit and covered his mouth seeing a shark float across his room around the tree that was still there. Oh fuck.

“Norman? What the fuck-“ Carter’s voice grunted, sleepy. “People are trying to _SLEEP_.” He snapped and Norman could only whimper in reply.

“Sorry. Sorry, I’m sorry, Goodbye.”

Norman began to panic. Of course, Carter wouldn’t fucking help. Norman tried to hang up, but he shakily dropped his phone and could only mutter a _“shit”_ before gasping and choking on a sob that finally broke through. His chest hurt, his head hurt, his stomach hurt, everything was too much.

“Norman? Norman what’s goin’ on?”

Norman didn’t even have the chance to end the call. _Shit._ He covered his mouth again and through tears attempted to hang up the phone once more. He tossed it back onto the bed hugged his knees. Norman’s raspy sobs muffled by his arms and the wind from the outside air. He could hear his phone begin to buzz from a call. He didn’t bother to reach for it and continued to sit on the floor against his bed for the next 10 minutes, trying to calm himself down.

He could faintly hear the patter of rain start at this window and he shakily looked up seeing some bushes in front of the window he opened prior. Hiccupping, he crawled to the window and reached to shut it as the rain began to pour. Norman gulped and slowly crawled back into bed again, just as his phone buzzed. He ignored it for now, shaking and biting down on his pillow. Of course, he woke up the angriest cop in all of Philadelphia. Carter wasn’t going to hold back onto any insults he probably had lying around to use directly on Norman. The former agent decided that he was just gonna have to deal with it now instead of later and answered the phone.

“Norman, Jesus Christ, what is going on? Are you okay?”

Well he sounded angry, but then again, he had a right to be, as Norman called him at 2:30 in the morning and proceeded to have an audible breakdown.

“Yeah, I’m, I’m okay, I’m really sorry to have called you this late, you don’t need to worry…” Norman’s voice was airy from tonight’s hell. His accent was surprisingly stronger due to how tired he was.

“Listen, someone doesn’t just call in the middle of the night and start sobbing and not be something to be worried about. And of all people you called me, which that itself is a shocker, what’s the matter?” Carter responded gruffly; he was probably wide awake now.

Norman could feel embarrassment as the tightening in his chest reduced. “I uh… I had… an anxiety attack, it’s stupid” he added the last part quickly.

“I impulsively just called someone, I guess you were on speed dial, see nothing big? I won’t do it again.”

Why did he sound like a kid who was in trouble for doing something he wasn’t supposed to and trying to plead to not be grounded? Norman clenched his eyes shut hoping to ignore the hallucinations that flooded his room. He didn’t like the elongated silence from Carter’s end and felt embarrassed. If Norman had any chance of trying to befriend Carter, this was a stupid way to do so. Not that he _wants _to be _friends_ with _Carter_ of all people.

“Norman, anxiety attacks aren’t stupid.” The cop finally answered, bringing Norman back from his thoughts.

“Whatever, I’m going back to bed. Night asshole.” 

“Uh yeah, night…”

Norman hung up the phone and stared at it for a while. He glanced up noticing the shark, tree and other hallucinations were no longer there. Dazed and exhausted he glanced at the time find it only to be 4 in the morning. He felt almost guilty for keeping Carter up this long that late. Shrugging it off for now he got up again and decided to drink something before catching up on sleep. Not like he had work in the morning or anything.

* * *

Norman’s eyes slowly fluttered open seeing his room glowed and lit from outside’s sunlight. He heaved a breath and slapped his hand for his phone on the bed for his phone seeing it was 1 in the afternoon. Not surprised. Norman groaned and sat up, yawning and staring ahead before pushing himself up going to the bathroom for a proper shower and not like the messy clothed one he did the night before.

Norman fixed himself coffee and eggs and silently ate leaving him to his thoughts. He wasn’t social, this was a fact. It was awkward trying to start talk and even more awkward maintaining or keeping interest. It was, however, dreadful being alone. Norman, yes, is incredibly introverted but he was also lonely. He wasn’t sure how he hadn’t gone crazy because of it.

** _It’s because you threw yourself into your work, and never tried to go out drinking with friends. _ **

Norman sipped his coffee, ignoring the voice.

** _You have nothing interesting about you anyway. Who cares what you like? The only thing you know about is working yourself to the bone._ **

Norman grunted to himself and downed his coffee.

** _You can’t even eat in front of people, what makes you think you can make one friend?_ **

Norman slammed his cup down. “SHUT UP.” He snapped, before allowing his shoulders to drop and he stared at the empty plate before him. Norman grabbed his dishes to put them away. He started to storm upstairs before stopping in front of the fridge, looking at the drawing the Mars kid had made him.

_That kid probably thinks me as a friend._ He thought. Norman relaxed and decided to fix another cup of coffee before going to sit on the couch.

_PING._

Norman pulled out his phone. A text?

**Carter Blake 2:12 PM**

_You still alive?_

**Me 2:12 PM**

_Yes. _

**Carter Blake 2:15 PM**

_Good, didn’t want to have to go to Washington to check up on your ass_

**Me 2:17 PM**

_You don’t even know where I live. Why would you need to come check up on me anyway?_

**Carter Blake 2:20 PM**

_So I won’t have to be waken up at the Devil’s hour to you having existential crises. _

**Me 2:21 PM**

_Anxiety and Existential Crisis are different._

**Carter Blake 2:22 PM**

_You get my point. _

**Me 2:22 PM**

_Wow, didn’t think a guy like you would care so much about me, an utter asshole_

**Carter Blake 2:24 PM**

_Fuck off_

Norman couldn’t help but laugh. Probably the first time he laughed in weeks. Though he found Carter’s behavior odd he didn’t necessarily mind that. It was less lonely of a feeling though, even if it was Carter. Norman and Carter proceeded to have on and off text messages for the rest of the evening as Norman had gone back upstairs to clean up the Triptocaine mess he made the night before, fighting the urge to shove his face into the carpet. The sun began to set as the night returned. Norman still up and running from sleeping in so late forced him to curl up in bed and watch TV, but not really paying attention. His mind wandered to the Triptocaine. He really should get rid of that stuff; it would kill him if he didn’t. The addict in him couldn’t give it up. It helped more than anything else. Norman’s eyes closed and allowed his body to wind down. It was odd being alone and not very busy. It was nice to have a break, but Norman couldn’t focus on anything. He was used to the anxiety and deadlines he had when in the office. Was it a weird depression maybe? A lack of drive and goals is what seemed to hold him down. Maybe he could find another job in the meantime?

Norman glanced up sucking in a breath seeing his room form into the autumn forest he often worked in. He swallowed thickly and hugged his knees to him as he stared ahead, a doe running by. The images were almost blurry like looking at a 3D movie without the glasses. He tucked his face into his arms listening to the on and off noises of the leaves flying by and faint hum of the TV which flickered between. He gently stroked his arms trying to calm himself down and gently lifted his head to the dresser again.

_Just once. Just enough to stop the imagery._

Gulping, Norman stood up from the bed and bent in front of the dresser, grabbing a vial from the box and sitting back on the bed.

** _You shouldn’t do this Norman; you can’t keep using this._ **

He took off the cap.

_It’s just a little. I could reduce my intake until I’m off_.

He stared at the blue drug before bringing it to his nose and inhaling deeply. He coughed from the burn and twitched his nose as he brought the vial back down. He blinked slowly as he observed the forest fading away and took one last inhale before closing off the vial and shoving it back in the draw. He rubbed his nose agitated and went and laid back on the bed. Guilt rose in his throat but felt the calm euphoria the drug gave. Norman pressed his face into his pillow blinking at the wall before his phone buzzed. He reached and grabbed the phone seeing another message from Carter.

**Carter Blake 8:47 PM**

_Would you like to come back to Philadelphia to visit? _

**Me 8:48 PM**

_Is it still raining there? _

**Carter Blake 8:50 PM**

_It is, but it’s not as consistent. I’m going to be off for the next two weeks, thought maybe we could try and start over, without being at each other’s throats you know?_

**Me 8:51 PM**

_Aww you wanna be friends with me Blakey?_

**Carter Blake 8:53 PM**

_Do not ever call me that again, I’m about to change my mind._

**Carter Blake 8:54 PM**

_Unless you got important special agent work, Mr. FBI_

**Me 8:55 PM**

_I have plenty of free time, I could afford to visit. I’m just gonna have to find the proper motel_

**Carter Blake 8:56 PM**

_Or you could just stay at my place_

Norman wasn’t sure he read that right. On one hand it was out of character for Carter, but he did say he wanted to start over. Whether it was the drug or his actual feelings, Norman was both eager and concerned with the idea. Sure, why not, it would save money.

**Me 9:00 PM**

_If I wouldn’t be a thorn in your side, I don’t see a problem staying at your place._

**Carter Blake 9:01 PM**

_I’ll send you the information in the morning. Get some sleep for once and don’t call me again._

Norman dropped his phone and passed out the moment he finished the text, and did indeed get sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Id like to put a disclaimer for some of this stuff. Norman's anxiety and how he copes is based off of what i observed in the game and how my own anxiety works. So its a bit of uh, self projection. anyway leave comment to tell me what you think!


	4. Apologies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: swearing, drug use, withdrawal symptoms

** _November 6th, 2011 Sunday_ **

  
Norman couldn’t really believe he had agreed to come back to the wet and cold rainy town. Let alone, he couldn’t believe that he was staying at the person he despised the whole time he was there. He wasn’t quite sure where their newfound interactions were coming from, but Carter said so himself. He wanted them to start over, and Norman wouldn’t mind taking that chance. Norman hasn’t seen the sun since he returned and groaned at the idea of being damp practically 24/7 the whole stay. He hadn’t seen Carter at all since the case closed. Carter barely looked at him and Norman at that point was ready to go home and end the damn visit. And yet almost a month later he returns. Just couldn’t stay away.

The rain began tapping away as Norman finally drove down the street from the address Carter gave. It was surprisingly a nice neighborhood. Norman felt a little guilty for thinking that Carter wouldn’t exactly have the nicest place to live but he was glad he was wrong. Norman pulled into the driveway of a surprisingly wide and large house. This was the address.

“I gotta give Carter more credit” Norman muttered to himself, turning the car off and staring at the front. Speaking of the Devil, the front door opened to show the same grumpy asshole Norman had met before. Norman sighed, knowing this will be an awkward interaction and opened the door, shivering at the raindrops that sprinkled down his jacket. 

“Don’t catch a cold there.” Carter teased coming form the porch and helping Norman bring a suitcase into the home.

Norman glanced around the home after following Carter into the house and closing the door behind him. The house was hosted a long living room, that was open with the kitchen. The first thing that caught Norman’s eye was everything had some sort of blue. So, Carter had a theme.

“OW.” Norman yelped and looked down finding a growling toy fox terrier biting Norman’s leg.

“Bruce! Down!” Carter snapped his fingers.

The small dog released and yipped a bit before going and sitting beside Carter’s feet, whining. Norman blinked in surprise. Carter had a tiny dog. A small dog. Tiny pup. Carter placed the case down and gestured to the dog.

“Sorry, this is Bruce, he’s incredibly protective of me in case you can’t tell” Carter chuckled under his breath.

“Well he’s certainly a policeman’s dog.”

Carter snorted and led Norman to the room past the kitchen and opened the door. The bedroom was wide, a queen-sized bed in the middle off to the side. Bruce pushed his way past their legs and barked at Norman before jumping on the bed and stared.

“I should have mentioned him, I’ve forgotten.” Carter rubbed the back of his neck. “I hope you’re not like, allergic to dogs or anything? Or hate dogs. If that’s the case, sorry the invitation is cancelled.”

“No, I don’t hate dogs. I am a cat person; however, I don’t mind dogs at all. And no, I’m not allergic.”

Carter seemed to relax and gestured to the dresser he could use and the closet and pointed at the open door.

“Bathroom is past the kitchen the first door to the left. Farther past that is the hallway that leads to the backyard and my room.”

Carter walked Norman out of the room and gave him a quick rundown of the home which despite the size, wasn’t that hard to navigate since it was all on floor.

“Honestly? I don’t care what you eat or make yourself. However, touch the moon pies and little Debbie chocolate cupcakes, and I will not hesitate to kick your ass out”

“Lucky you, I’m not a fan of that sweet stuff.”

“Well my pantry is full of them, good luck, you twig.”

Norman allowed a crooked smirk to appear on his face watching Carter tease him. The cop continued showing his house before Carter waved Norman to go settle into the spare room as he had some work to finish up. Norman followed the order and walked back into the wide spare room and began unpacking his clothes. He stared at the wooden box he had packed under the shirts and bit his lip. Finally, he wrapped it in a spare coat and shoved it in the bottom corner of the closet before tucking the suitcase away. He sat on the bed and admired the paintings along the wall. He really had to give Carter credit. The man had decent interior design. Norman had made a mental note. Carter liked blue. Dark blue specifically.

Norman soon joined Carter on his couch, shrugging his coat off and hanging it along the back of the couch. He leaned back, crossing his arms across his chest.

“So, you wanted to start over huh?” Norman finally asked.

Carter, who was staring at the TV, glanced at him. “Yeah.” The cop drummed his fingers along the couch arm.

“Listen, Norman, I’ve been thinking on this since the investigation… but, I think there was a lot of misunderstanding.” Carter sat up straight, and Bruce walked over before curling at his feet.

“You came to us, to help with the investigation. And I wanted nothing more than to solve this case. So, when the FBI were involved…”

Norman observed Carter’s furious finger drumming.

“I felt, very threatened.” The older cop admitted, and the drumming stopped.

“Threatened?” Norman asked.

“Like, you already had all this clear information and abilities that I didn’t and something I couldn’t gather in those two years of trying to track down the Origami Killer. I was so very… frustrating to me.”

Norman’s shoulders dropped a bit as he studied Carter. The man wasn’t looking him in the eyes, but he could tell whatever he was saying was genuine. He assumed that maybe Carter’s aggressive personality was because of minor insecurity but having him admit and explain it more was surprising for Norman.

“So, to properly apologize,” Carter finally looked him in the eye. “I wanted to say, ‘sorry for all the times I almost ruined the investigation and pulled a gun on you.’ Tell anyone I apologized and I’m booting you out of the house.”

“I actually come stay with you, on your request, and you’ve threatened me three times already about kickin’ me out, come on now carter.”

The older cop laughed. Norman somehow felt relief fill his mind. He had been tense about seeing Carter again mostly cause of their previous incompatibility, but it seems that there were just emotions getting in the way.

“I’ve also already apologized to Ethan Mars. Have you got to see him since the investigation?”

Norman allowed a smile to creep up. “I have, the day I left, he found me at the police station, and his kid gave me a drawin’.”

“Oh, he gives you a drawing?! Of course, he’d give it to Mr. FBI.” Carter muttered.

“What’s wrong Blakey? Did you want a kid’s drawing too?” Norman teased.

“What the hell did I say about calling me _Blakey_?!”

* * *

Carter had ordered Chinese takeout for dinner. Norman didn’t mind if it weren’t for the fact most Chinese food made him sick sometimes. Norman and Carter had talked and ate, surprisingly getting along. Norman listened about Carter’s time in the police force as Bruce pawed to Carter and whimpered. The cop looked down at him.

“You’re not supposed to have table food.” Carter stated to the dog.

Bruce only whined louder in response. Carter groaned and grabbed a bit of chicken and tossed it down as Bruce happily went at it.

“So, how did you get Bruce?” Norman asked.

Carter sighed and sat back in the chair. “Well, he’s a rescue for one. I saw this little guy who was in his cage and he bolted to the door. So, they let me interact though the staff was a little concerned. I bend down to let Bruce sniff me out and the first thing he does is bite down on my hand.”

Carter smiled a bit at the memory. “Wouldn’t let my hand go but his tail was wagging like a helicopter. How could I not bring him home? Plus, a dog that’s just as pissed off constantly as I am. Perfect. The staff made it seem like Bruce wasn’t capable of getting a home but here he is, the last 4 years he’s been with me, eating my garlic chicken from my takeout.”

Norman smiled with him and glanced back down at the smaller dog. It made sense.

“Do you have any pets?”

Norman looked up and then looked at his food.

“I used to have a cat, but she passed away a long time ago. I’ve never really had time to be able to care for another pet.”

“You know, Norman I don’t know much about you.” Carter began. “What do you like? I feel like I don’t know _anything._”

Norman tensed, hating talking about himself since he considered himself so boring.

“I mean there’s not much to say I guess, I’m about as dull of a person as they come.”

“Oh, come on, you have to have SOME interests and hobbies.”

“Well, I draw? I mean, not often but I do realism.” Norman felt slight anxiety rise, fearful that Carter was going to poke fun at him.

“Oh, do you have a sketchbook? Can I see?”

“Y-yeah.” Norman rose and walked to his temporary room and grabbed his sketchbook from atop the dresser and walked back handing it over to Carter.

Carter carefully wiped his hands off and pushed most of the food aside from the table to prevent anything messing the sketchbook up and started to flip through as Norman sat back down and shyly ate into his fried rice.

“These are all really amazing, Norm.” Carter finally said observing the realistic drawings. “How long have you drawn?”

Norman couldn’t help but blush. “Uh I originally took it up as an elective in college, and I guess I just kept it up and enjoyed it. I hadn’t had much time these past few months, but I decided to keep on the hobby.”

“Well I think its neat.” Carter said and closed the sketchbook, handing it back to Norman who took it.

“Thanks…”

Carter stood up and began to clean up the mess on the table and bent down to scratch Bruce on the head before walking past Norman.

“Well I’m going to go to bed, shower is open for you if you’d like to take one tonight. Night, Norman”

“Yeah, thanks, good night.” He watched the older cop walk down the hall into his room, the tiny fox terrier scampering after him. Norman stared at his sketchbook before standing back up and hiding away in the spare room.

* * *

_The rain was pouring, and the air was cold. Norman could see the faint lights of the city. It wasn’t Washington. Norman looked down seeing he was on a metal bridge, a rushing river below. His tense slippery grip to the metal pole beside him made it clear he was in danger of falling. Terror rose up in his stomach and turned to see if he could safely get back down. A pounding feeling echoed through his head and he groaned, leaning over, but not before losing his balance and the whole scene disappearing. No bright lights, no city-scape, no bridge, no sound of the rain or river. And a loud voice echoing through the darkness as Norman fell, shouting something but it was not recognizable. Norman felt he was going to hit the ground now._

Norman bolted up shaking, from the bed. He felt his stomach churn and his head get dizzy. Anxiously patting his chest, he gulped in air. He was sweating profusely, and scrambled out of the bed. This wasn’t his room, where was he?! Panic overwhelmed him as he scrambled outlooking around before trying to steady his breathing. A painful pinch to his ankle made him pull his leg back and he saw a small dog gripped onto him. 

** _Bruce. _ **

Oh yeah, he was at Carter’s house. Norman shuffled around the dog and walked to the bathroom, leaning over the toilet and began to throw up. There goes the Chinese. He was pretty sure though it wasn’t the Chinese that made him feel this bad. Norman wiped his mouth and shivered flushing the toilet so he could sit on the floor. He stared at his hands, shaking and tense. He carefully pulled himself up and washed his hands and teeth again before leaning against the wall back to his room. Norman’s stomach dropped seeing the images of bushes and trees take place in the room he was staying in. Feeling dread he stared at the closet knowing the key to ending this was in there.

He hesitantly inched his way over before the whole room took image of the autumn forest and he gasped staring. Shit, he would have to wait for the hallucinations to die down. Norman jumped up a bit trying to wake his brain up and for the moment, the scene stopped long enough for the former agent to pull the box out and grab a vial of Triptocaine. He shoved the drug to his nose and inhaled, eyes scrunching up at the burning feeling, tears welling up. Opening his eyes, Norman saw the room was back to normal and he put the box back into the hidden spot and crawled back into his bed, feeling his body finally relax.

And he slowly, fell back asleep.


	5. Ugh Socialization

_**November 7**__**th**__**, 2011 Monday  
  
CLANK. **_  
Norman groaned as sunlight flashed in his eyes from the bedroom window. He squinted his eyes shut as he turned over to face away from the intruding light. He slapped his hand around the nightstand for his phone and checked the time.   
  
**_1:00PM  
_**  
Oh he slept in hard. He pushed himself up and glanced around adjusting to his new surroundings. Norman harshly pushed last nights adventure back and untangled himself from the blankets, biting back the groan of the pounding headache that made its appearance. He patted his face awake and walked out of the bedroom wondering what Carter was up to.

His answer, was that Carter was on the floor, surrounded by now ruined cheese sticks and a baking tray. Norman blinked at the scene, while Bruce sneaked over and stole a cheese stick and scampered off.   
  
“Carter.”  
  
“No questions.”   
  
“Carter wh- “  
  
_“NO QUESTIONS”_   
  
Norman could not stop himself from making a smug smile and bent down beginning to help Carter pick up mess.   
Norman waved his hands but still attempted to pick them up quickly and toss them away as Carter finally got up, dusting himself off.   
  
“Well that was a waste of money” Carter muttered putting the tray on the stove. Norman grinned at him before hearing his stomach growl.   
  
“Anyway, for you sleeping beauty, didn’t expect you to witness my shame.”   
  
Norman laughed. “Sorry, I guess I stayed up too late.” He lied smoothly.  
  
“Late doin’ what?”  
  
“Drawing and scouring the internet” he remarked.   
  
Carter shrugged. “Well I was gonna make us cheese sticks but… I forgot to grab a potholder and burnt my hand.”

Norman tipped his head slightly, his eyes aimed right at Carter hand. “might leave a mark” he said. “probably should put Aloe Vera on it”   
  
“Well I don’t have the plant, but I’ll see what I have I guess…stupid fuckin pan-“  
Carter grumbled and headed to the bathroom to do just that.   
  
Norman went ahead and simply made himself some cereal. Who cares if it was 1:30 in the afternoon? It was his morning. He ate it quickly though, not really wanting to deal with eating in front of Carter again. Norman glanced from the dining table seeing Bruce still working on the cheese stick.  
  
“Bruce you probably shouldn’t eat that- “  
  
**_RUFF._**   
  
“Christ, fine.” Norman stared at the smaller dog.  
  
_That little shit is too human, I didn’t think he was even listening. Maybe I’m hallucinating again._   
  


Carter eventually returned hand wrapped, rather poorly but wrapped. Bruce has then made it his business to try and nip at Carter’s pajama pants that he was still in. Annoyed the cop swatted at Bruce’s nose, only to miss and feel the dog’s retaliation of tiny teeth. On his wrapped hand.   
“OW.”   
  
Wasn’t long before Norman noticed the dimming outside. And the gentle sound of pattering rain and soon to follow thunder. Bruce may have been a mighty dog, but thunder seemed to be his weakness as the small terrier bolted into Carter’s lap. Norman chuckled a bit but yelped when the power went out. Carter gave a curse but did not move from his spot, not wanting to move Bruce. The universal pet rule.   
  
“I can’t move” Carter sighed.

“A shame.” Norman replied smiling. “If you’d like I could go find the breaker.”

“Nah, it’ll come back on. If anything, it’s sorta peaceful.”

“As someone who’s been working in the rain for several months prior, I personally, dread it” Norman groaned.

Carter snorted. “You know what I will go flip the breaker, sorry Bruce.” Carter stood up and plopped the terrier into Norman’s lap.   
“you watch him. He won’t try and bite you during thunder, too much of a wuss.” Carter proceeded to walk off down the hall towards the room that led to the garage.   
  
Norman glanced at the shaking pup in his arms, and made a small attempt to petting Bruce’s head, which the dog, like Carter said, did not do much to retaliate and accepted it warmly. The rain began to go harder slamming against the roof. The house walls sounded thin, Norman expected the rain to just start coming through the windows and walls to be torn away from the wind. The lights flickered back on, and Carter came walking back in.   
  
“You know, I have a question.”  
  
“Okay, good to know you have a question.”  
  
“Oh fuck you, listen don’t you have those fancy glasses you worked with?”

Norman tensed up and looked at him. He hadn’t even told Carter he quit.   
  
“No, I don’t. I wouldn’t need them if I’m on a break hm?”

“Well you never said YOU were on a vacation, but I figured you’d of brought your work with you?”

“No, I’m actually taking a…break right now, since that investigation. Personal issues I’d rather not go into.”

And the conversation ceased.

* * *

“Do you want to come with me to the bar to meet up with Ash?”  
  
_No. Not really.   
_  
“Sure. Let me grab my jacket.”

_Why the fuck did you agree?! _

Norman casually walked into his room but the moment he was out of Carter’s line of sight he felt his stomach lurch. He really didn’t want to see Ash, and by God if Perry is there too Norman may just take his ass straight back to Washington. Opening the closet, he went ahead and pulled out a vial and shoved it in his jacket pocket.   
  
_Just in case._

The bar, much to Norman’s pleasure, wasn’t active. Giving it was a work night not many would be partying at this time. The two men entered the bar and Norman’s eyes locked onto the two other most insufferable people he had the most _wonderful_ time working with.

“JAYDEN!” Perry cried in shock.

Norman tried to keep his face still and push a smile, rather than disgust. “Hello.”

“The hell are you doing here, son?”

Norman went to open his mouth, but Carter interfered.

“He’s staying with me.”

Perry and Ash both looked at Carter with genuine surprise but giving a weird exchange must have made them stop from asking further questions. Norman didn’t know what look he gave but was grateful. Though this made him wonder if Carter picked up on his lack of social skills. It might be pretty obvious. They sat at the long bar and Norman wondered if it was too late to say, ‘fuck it’ and run out.

_Why the hell did I agree…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry for the wait. Been having some issues about how i wanted to form the story. But have this short chapter! I'll try to get a few more chapters out soon I promise.


End file.
